I AM LUCKY

"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion) 01/08/2020 at 09:45 • Filed to: always transport spray paint inside of a protective box of some kind, I usually do but I didn't just this once and never again

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Driving kids to school this morning, I hear a sssssssssssssssssssss sound from the back of the Volvo wagon. Two things I know are back there, among many others:

1. A large metal contraption made for cutting ski tracks into the top (inrun) of a ski jump.

2. Two cans of line-marking spray paint, one blue and one red.

In the 3-4 seconds it took my brain to realize what was happening, then the subsequent 5-6 seconds it took to do a full panic-stop on the snowy dirt road I was on (NO THANKS TO ABS), plus the 2-3 seconds it took me to get back there and get to the offending can, it managed to create a pretty nice red puddle on the “never been so worth its weight in gold” Weather Tech(TM) floor mat.

Miraculously, only a couple spots of paint seemed to get on the carpet in the trunk area, which I mostly was able to wipe off while it was still wet. Honestly, that was probably a side effect of me extracting the can. The carpet is black, so it’s not super obvious, anyway. At least I think, I didn’t empty the car because the paint was (probably still is) wet . Quite a bit of paint dripped off the can as I removed it, but I was able to wipe that off the rear door seal quickly with a baby wipe I had handy.

In other news, my 100' steel cable, snow brush, and a few other items now bear a distinctive red branding, so I will know that they are mine. Along with that floor mat, whose value will forever be memorialized by a giant red spot. The off-white folded-up canvas is just a scrap thing I use when transporting garbage.

I am very lucky not to have a red interior right now.

Side note: this is what the aluminum contraption is for:

vondon302 > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 09:54

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You ski jump?

Bullet dodged matrix style no less.

MonkeePuzzle > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 09:57

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I have brought a mass of gardening tools to local community cleanups, so I just laid my collection of rakes and shovels and such across my lawn and ran up and down them all a few times with red spray paint. It did indeed make them easy to identify and recover afterwards :D

functionoverfashion > vondon302 01/08/2020 at 09:57

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I coach ski jumping at the high school level. Beginners up to kids who go off real jumps, like 50-70-90 meters. More on the beginner side. We compete on jumps up to 38 meter, with regional comps on bigger hills kids can do on their own. 

vondon302 > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 09:58

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Neat!

functionoverfashion > MonkeePuzzle 01/08/2020 at 10:03

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Indeed, that’s a good idea. I have a brand that I use on all my wood-handled tools, that is my first initial and last name. It was my great grandfather’s, first name was different but the initial i s the same. 

someassemblyrequired > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 10:20

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Where in North America is ski jumping even a thing?

I could barely convince teenagers to do their homework, let alone throw themselves off a 100ft incline.   How does that discussion even work?

Future next gen S2000 owner > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 10:32

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I’d love to try ski flying at Pine Mountain in the UP but I’m afraid I’d crash and mangle myself.

TheRealBicycleBuck > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 10:37

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Did the can get punctured or was something pressing the nozzle? I’ve had both happen to me, but not inside of my car. You are a lucky one today. Go buy a lottery ticket.

functionoverfashion > someassemblyrequired 01/08/2020 at 10:37

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The thing is, it’s a great way for them to push / test themselves, in a safe environment. The near universal experience is “holyshitholyshitholyshitI’m gonna die ahhhH! WOW THAT WAS AWESOME I WANNA DO IT AGAIN DO IT AGAIN!!”

In North America it exists in pockets. Local active clubs with jumps, or former Olympic cities like Salt Lake, Lake Placid. And New Hampshire high schools, for some reason. 

functionoverfashion > TheRealBicycleBuck 01/08/2020 at 10:40

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The cap was on it, which helped keep it from going everywhere. I think the cap got crushed and the nozzle was pressed. Would have been way worse if the can was punctured, no doubt. The cap is still on it, it never even came off. I touched it to see where it was cracked, but it was - surprise! - still sticky with red paint, so I put it down.

Seriously, I’m also very lucky with the weather. We’re holding a competition at our jump tonight; conditions are excellent, BUT  Saturday’s forecast looks like 50's with a ton of rain, which will likely wipe out most of our snow. We have just enough right now, so we’re lucky to fit this in before the next big melt.

functionoverfashion > Future next gen S2000 owner 01/08/2020 at 10:42

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Start small. Otherwise, yes, crashing is likely, first time wearing 250cm skis with no edges and free heels.

Chariotoflove > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 10:44

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For decades CBS Sports used the image of a ski jumper spilling out for “the agony of defeat” part of their title sequence. I figure that did a pretty good job discouraging the growth of ski jumping in America. 

WilliamsSW > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 10:45

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Luckily it looks like that can wasn’t pointed up at all - or towards glass, etc.

and yeah those Weather Tech mats are great !

TheRealBicycleBuck > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 10:53

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A friend of mine was coming over to show off his brand new truck, so he stopped to pick up a pizza and a 2-liter of Coke. He had to slam on the brakes to avoid a wreck and the 2-liter rolled off the back seat, onto the floor, where it hit the front seat rail just hard enough to puncture the bottle. When he stepped on the gas, it rolled backward, drenching the cab with Coke. It was on everything from the headliner to the carpet, even managing to spray over the front seat to get some of the dash. I’m glad that your experience wasn’t as bad as his!

I’m also glad the weather is cooperating with you. I have to put my storage building construction on hold this weekend because the weather is expected to be really bad. If I’m lu ck y, it will clear out by Saturday afternoon and I’ll be able to get the rafters installed.

shop-teacher > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 11:03

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Wow!  Bullet dodged!

functionoverfashion > Chariotoflove 01/08/2020 at 11:24

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People STILL TALK ABOUT THAT from time to time, when ski jumping comes up in conversation.

I teach beginners, total novices, and I have never, ever seen that happen, nor has any coach I know. Overall, we see fewer injuries than most other sports.

But yeah. The Agony of Defeat. Forever ingrained in our cultural memory! 

functionoverfashion > WilliamsSW 01/08/2020 at 11:25

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So lucky! I called my wife to tell her, because otherwise she’ll get home to a story of “a spray paint can exploded in the back of daddy’s car!”

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 11:29

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As a complete novice, how does one learn to ski jump? Like I am trying to imagine it but the only thing I can think of is you literally have them go for it on a smaller incline and jump distance to minimize injury. Is there an actual method to learn without risking injury from people freaking out mid flight on their first time?

JustAnotherG6 > someassemblyrequired 01/08/2020 at 11:29

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There is at least one in a southern suburb of Minneapolis.

Derpwagon > JustAnotherG6 01/08/2020 at 11:49

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Bloomington, yep

Chariotoflove > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 11:59

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The hallmark of a successful advertising jingle. 

Mercedes Streeter > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 12:31

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The one and only time this happened to me, I was transporting three fire extinguishers in the bed of the White Claw Rascue Ranger. The bonnet of a  Buick also in the rear bounced a bit and landed on the trigger of one of the extinguishers . I had a major code brown moment for about 10 seconds before I realized what the sound and the “smoke” was from.

someassemblyrequired > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 12:41

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LOL yeah that sounds about right. Just never ever thought of it as something so mainstream it would be a interscholastic high school sport...

functionoverfashion > Mercedes Streeter 01/08/2020 at 13:16

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hahaha wow

functionoverfashion > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 01/08/2020 at 13:21

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You’re right, that you kind of have to start on a really small jump. The thing is, you can start REALLY small. Last year I had kids on an XC trail with a slight incline, going down and just trying to jump without any kind of bump at all. Get used to the skis, and to a little speed, and stopping. Then go down just the bottom of the hill - the landing only - and try to jump at the crest of the knoll. Again, about half the speed of the hill itself. Then maybe a small jump. Then a bigger one.

The reality is, though, any competent alpine skier can handle it pretty quickly. Our small jump is an 18 meter - which means the longest distance you can jump safely is 18 meters, but you can go a lot less - and I have a lot of kids who go off that on their first day on jump skis.

My 7-year old has been off an 18 meter jump on his alpine skis. My 5-year old did a 10 meter on the same day. 

Sammyno55 > Derpwagon 01/08/2020 at 14:24

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Saw that ramp in Bloomington last spring. There's a club there that offers lessons. 

WilliamsSW > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 14:30

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Yeah that should avoid her having a heart attack !

RPM esq. > functionoverfashion 01/08/2020 at 14:51

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Once in high school I had a fire extinguisher explode in my trunk when I had to panic brake and the strap holding it in place had come loose  That was not a fun mess to clean up.